why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize