If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
