all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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