I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
