Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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