dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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