I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
