That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
