can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
