i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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