I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
