Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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