Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
