Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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