I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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