So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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