I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
