I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
