Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
