I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
