Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
