I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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