you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
