Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
