well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
