A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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