Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
