I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
