peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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