I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
