We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
