i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
