i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
