You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
