my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mom said you looked used
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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