I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
