yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
