Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
