How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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