a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
