remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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