We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
