Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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