she was so not down for the gang bang
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
