Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
