You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
