hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
