Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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