i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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