Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
