so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize