The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
