I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
