never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
