I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's never too late to be topless.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
