fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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