I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
