I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
