you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
