Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
