my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
