She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
