Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
