i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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