I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize