I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am naked and annoyed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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