I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
