We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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