Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
