dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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