so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
