he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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