The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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