Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
