you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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