i can't believe i had my finger in that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
