I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
