We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
