I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
me + whiskey = a bad person
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
