I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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